Another Big Move...

Well, it's December 27, and I'm packing to drive to Oregon. This is definitely not what I thought I'd be doing at this point, but I think it's the right move for me. My only regret so far is that the program at Hawaii wasn't what I needed it to be. The island and even the people I met there were amazing. I hope I'll get to go back to Oahu and see some of the sights I missed the first time around. But, for now, I'm trying to focus on getting myself to Eugene, OR. It's a six day drive--actually five and a half and it could be shorter--but six days gives me enough daylight on that last day to unpack and find some furniture in the daytime. I wish I'd found someone to drive there with me, partially because I could get more of my stuff there that way, but it would also give me someone to make the long trip with (besides my cats). There are a ton of people I haven't been able to see. Lesley, if you happen to read this, I hope we get to see each other again some day. To my former students at the Barter, I hope I'll see you tomorrow, but it's not looking like it so far. Rebecca, it just wasn't Christmas without decorating our tree with our ornaments and decorations. I miss you so much!

To my family, many of whom I got to see or talk to this holiday for the first time in many many years, I love you and I am so happy I got to see and talk to all of you so much this past week. You mean the world to me. I hope we can see each other again this summer, and I can spend a lot more time with you.

I suppose all of this is outside the stated purpose of this blog, but who cares. Lines get blurred, right?

Anyway, for those of you who don't know--and my last entry doesn't exactly confirm anything--I left the program in Hawaii and I've been accepted into the MFA design program at the University of Oregon in Eugene. I hope to take a drawing and rendering class--basically an (I hope) advanced art class for theater designers--and a computer drafting class my first quarter. I've done a lot of computer drafting, and I hope this will help me polish off my skills in that area. Other than that, I'm not sure what I'll be doing. I'm excited to take some language classes. I'm hoping to pick up a Swahili class, and it would be nice to take a PE class. I'm mostly interested in enjoying not working in the shop for a while, and focusing on being a student for a bit. I'm sure I'll have to get a job--if there's one to be found--but the plan is to work as little as possible, and to be a student as much as possible.

I'll try to update as I can throughout my trip. Wish me luck...I leave early Monday morning.

Overdue...

It's been a long time since I've written anything on here. Time has gotten away from me a bit as the semester picked up speed and projects and productions began to whiz along. I am still dealing with being an outsider here. I still feel uncomfortable at times, but I think that's because I'm still getting used to being here away from just about everything I've ever known.

I'm also coming to terms with what the program here is offering me, and I've decided to leave it. I met with my advisor last Thursday, and, though I agreed to make a list of the things that I would need in order to stay, I've realized that no matter what changes here, I will not change the way I need to change in order to be happy in this place. I'm going home to Tennessee December 15, and I'm not sure what I'll be doing next semester. I'm still holding out some hope that I will be able to really connect with some folks at Humboldt State in Northern California, but it's been difficult getting people to talk to me, which might be a sign. I feel as though I'm questioning a lot of things, not the least of which is my self-worth. I'm just really upset about this, and I'm having trouble justifying my feelings. I am angry and disappointed and stressed out that I'm not going to be able to find a school that will accept me next semester. I guess I'm mad at the program and my advisor, but I'm also mad at myself. How could I have just made this huge change without doing enough research to see what this program was? I guess I'm just appalled at my own ignorance of this place. I'm mad that education and educators aren't honest about what they can provide and to whom they are able and willing to provide it. I have a simple goal: teach theater. I don't care to be famous or known. I just want to be a better teacher and a better designer. I want to inspire others as others have inspired me.

So, I guess that's cheesy and weird. It's certainly cheesy and weird to re-read it and know that those are my words, and that might be how I feel. But I guess that's what these things are for? To air out thoughts? To ramble and explore? Maybe that's just what I'll use it for at this moment.

Anyway, friends and loved ones, please avoid calling me and asking me if I'm okay after reading this. I'm depressed and stressed out, and I'm dealing with a lot of stuff, but this place will be a memory soon. Some of it was really good and fun, and I've made some friends and seen some things that I would never have been able to make and see if I hadn't come here. And this will lead me somewhere else. It's only a step on the path, and if you know me well enough, you know that I take things as they are dealt to me. If I don't get back on here before Thanksgiving, I hope everyone reading this has a great holiday. I miss you.

If anyone's in the big Johnson City mid-December to the first of January, give me a call. I'll need diversion!

Searching for the Avant-Garde?

We just had a discussion in my research methods class that was both provocative and problematic. The presentation and framework for the discussion was wonderful. A trio of students presented an article dealing with the question of a problematic emphasis on the avant-garde of academic theater research. One of the questions that I really wanted to deal with, but didn't seem to have the words to broach, was the idea that the avant-garde becomes popular and the popular avant-garde. We talked about the idea that we can only understand the avant-garde through the lens of popular theater--at least according to the author of the essay, who argued that the avant-garde can only be understood in relationship to/as a reaction to current popular theater of the era. While we discussed the concept that the avant-garde, with come consistency, becomes the popular and vice-versa, we didn't really talk at all about the point of avant-garde-ism. We failed to discuss--and I failed to raise--the question of labels and their affect on theatrical production. Anyone who has seen someone's failed attempt to "go Brechtian" on a particular production can understand that often particular modes of presentation and certain texts or stories simply do not mesh--or, that same someone could at least allow that a director or design team's interpretation of particular modes of presentation does not mesh with certain texts and stories. Our responsibility as artists is to express, or more specifically, to allow expression, to provide the context in which an idea or concept or emotion or point of view can be explored through action, movement, dialogue, and/or imagery. When we set out to "be" avant-garde, or to express something through the techniques of our interpretation of Brecht, we tread on dangerous ground. These production concepts, if left so broad, can destroy our ability to create any sort of realm of expression. I'm not really sure if this all makes sense to me, but it's something I'm trying to sort out right now.

The class also seemed to skirt the issue--and, I would argue, problem--of sociological studies and generalizations made of past audiences of shows. The statement was made something to the effect that we know who goes to see a certain kind of play because those plays, shown in churches across Europe in the centuries preceding the Renaissance, had audiences composed entirely of church-goers. Indeed? For those of us who've been "to church", we know that someone's attendance does not equal an understanding of their personality, religious beliefs, nor, in fact, their affiliation with the particular group with which they are in attendance. Vast generalizations were made and, for an as yet unknown reason, I was fairly silent. I think shock must have set in without my knowing it. Once a production happens, we've missed it. Theater is happenings. Once we miss a happening, we've missed it. We can study it and the society in which it was performed and we can glean much from such study, but we can never truly understand the piece without seeing it as it was presented. At least, I think that's true. No matter how well-recorded and how well-preserved that original text with all its stage directions is, we cannot recreate the production. We cannot re-experience it. It isn't happening anymore.

I guess I left the class with an understanding that the discussions we will have will be generic unless forced to be specific, which is sad. I feel as though my classmates are intelligent and interesting. I guess we all--including me--need to speak louder. In our defense, if the remainder of the presentations are as creative and provocative as the Breakfast Club-inspired presenters of today, I will have new faith that our contributions to theater and the world will be felt. Plus, we'll all have a great time.

Week 3

Things are moving right along. It's still strange living in the city. My apartment is just off the corner of two of the busiest streets in Honolulu. Four years ago, the population was at around 900,000. Now, most estimates put it close to 1 million. That's a lot of people for a small island. The population is pretty interesting. One of the things I learned before leaving was that the island was made up of about 20% white/caucasian. The other 80% are either local indigenous people or (mostly) from Asia--China, the Philippines, other Pacific islands, and, largely, Japan. It's a strange mix.

There are white people who are from Hawai'i; their family has lived here for several generations, and they are considered kama 'aina, which means "of the island". I am considered a haole, pronounced "HOW-lee". This is a generic term that usually refers to a white person who isn't from the islands or who doesn't live on the island. Since I live here now, and especially since I have my UH student ID, I can get kama 'aina rates at most local businesses. These are the equivalent of student rates or non-tourist rates. Basically, I get to pay the price that locals pay.

That's about as close to becoming kama 'aina that I can get, which is really okay with me. There's a strange sort of attitude that comes with living on an island. There's a sense that you're trapped. Maybe it's the same on the mainland, but at least there's the illusion that you can move up or out or away from something. Here, you can't. If you go in any direction, all you find is the Pacific Ocean. (Which is beautiful, by the way.)

People generally keep to themselves here. There's not much nodding as you pass on the street. I'm used to being able to at least make eye contact and smile or nod as I pass someone--and that happens occasionally--but for the most part, people are tuned into their iPods or cell phones, or are just too interested in where they're going to pay attention to other people on the street. People are friendly...don't get me wrong, but it's a different kind of friendliness. I guess, shocked as I am to admit it, I miss not living in the city. Things are convenient here. I can walk to Wal-Mart, the mall, school, grocery stores, and the beach, but I'm surrounded by people all the time. I certainly don't hate it here, but if I had the choice, I think I'd live somewhere else. Somewhere quieter, maybe, but close enough to a city that I could be there in a flash to hang out or get supplies. I've thought about moving up into the mountains here or out on the North Shore. It's much quieter there and less populated. I'd have lizards everywhere, but I'd also have some more space. So...I guess right now, I'm weighing geckos against people. Which population is more annoying?

That's a way more difficult question than it should be.

I think of family and friends constantly. I miss you guys and I can't wait to see you at Christmas.

Two Weeks Down...

Well, I've been here for three weeks now. The weather has been wonderful so far. A few rain showers here and there, but nothing major--no monsoons, typhoons, or any other sort of -oon to speak of. I did get drenched one day on my way to work the week before classes started, but the rain comes and goes quickly (and clothing and poor grad students dry pretty quickly in the heat).

I'm adjusting to this brand-new place well, I think. It's been tricky getting used to life without a car, but the buses are pretty good here. Mostly, I miss my family and friends and Rebecca, who is in Kenya right now. We haven't been able to talk for a week, which is the longest we've gone without speaking in three years. It's tough doing this alone, but I'm also enjoying the challenge and freedom here. There's a lot to be said for moving thousands of miles away from everyone you know. I am learning a lot about myself and who (and where) I really want to be. I am also getting a great tan.

Not much to report. Classes are going well. I'm beginning research on sustainable theater practices and eco-friendly theater. I'm hoping to transform the research into a paper that will both satisfy the requirements of my research methodology class, and that I can also present at a conference in Oregon in May. At the end of the class, we are given the option to submit the paper for publication, and I intend to do that as well.

I'm also taking two scenic design classes. I am getting a lot of ideas on projects I can use to teach design from the lower level course. The upper-level class has two main projects. The first and most emphasized project is the design of a show for a local theater called Kumu Kahua Theatre. My show is called Whatever Happened to John Boy Kihano?. It's about a boy whose father claims was sent away with a mysterious aunt whom no one else in the family has ever met or heard of. I think it's based on an actual event. The show doesn't open until March 12 of next year, but meetings will begin soon. The second part of the class is to research some aspect of environmental theater. We're reading a book right now written by Richard Schechner, and we each take three chapters and lead a discussion of them in class. The scope of that research is fairly limited, but will still be challenging.

That's about it so far. I miss everyone and I love you guys.

Some Pictures of My New Place...

I Finally Have a Home!

It's not much, but I found an apartment.  I'm about twenty minutes from everything on the island except school--that's about a 35 minute walk.  Waikiki, a big shopping center called Ala Moana Center, and even Wal-Mart are only about twenty minutes away (in different directions, of course).  My walk to school is a little long, but the weather is nice and I'm walking on flat ground for the majority of the trek.  I finished my first duty week as a grad assistant.  The shop here is very different right down to the kind of lumber we get.  There is a full-time shop foreman-type person who also TDs some of the shows and then there's David who is (I think) the actual Tech Director.  I think the biggest difference between the two is that Gerry, the foreman, is the staff TD, and David is the faculty TD.

So far things have been difficult and expensive, but I'm having fun and I think I will really like it here.  It looks like I am going to have enough freedom and time to get my MFA and an MA in Asian Studies.  One of my teachers encouraged me to pursue both--it's like a two-for-one deal.

Friends and loved ones:  if I haven't contacted you personally via email, please don't feel ignored.  I've been pretty busy and I only managed to get one or two emails out before I left for the island last week.  I miss my friends and family a lot!  And, maybe surprisingly, I miss the mainland.  For all its beauty, Hawaii is definitely not home.  At least, not yet.  (Don't panic, mom, I'm not staying here forever...I'd miss your cooking too much!)

I'll post pics of my place ASAP, and I'll try to be in touch as often as I can.  Wish me luck; Monday is the first actual day of classes.

Oh, Give Me a Home...

Finally!  A second post to my much-ignored blog.  Things have been hectic.  I arrived on the island last Thursday, and have so far viewed several rentals without luck.  I'm hoping that at least one of the last two places I visited will let me live there starting tomorrow.  I'll update with pictures of the place unless things fall through.  It's difficult to find a place here that's both affordable and livable and decently close to campus.  I've decided to try for a two-bedroom with one of my fellow grad students because it seems to be easier to find two-bedroom apartments or houses.  I'm not sure how much easier since we've only been able to look at one place, but so far the upper level grad students haven't let us down yet.  Right now, I'm staying with my friend Sarah and her husband Kenny, who've been kind enough to let me crash on their futon since yesterday.  I'm here for another couple of nights if necessary, and then it's on to my own apartment or someone else's couch.  Hopefully, it'll be the former option.  We spent the morning on the beach today--we being Sarah, Kenny, Kat, and Miriam.  Miriam is new to the program like me; Kat is starting her third and final year here; and Sarah has been here for six months with her husband.  All of the other grad students are Youth Theater students and not designers.  I'm anxious to meet some of the design students because I'd like to know what the expectations are from designers here, but I suppose I'll get to meet most of them tomorrow at my first duty day as a graduate assistant.  The top pictures are the view of the city from Sarah and Kenny's window.  The other pics are from the beach.  It was nice getting away from the bustle of downtown, but I felt a little guilty that I wasn't apartment-shopping.  Miriam and I discovered a local market today in Manoa, near the house we viewed.  I hope it'll become my shopping and banking center.  Cross your fingers if you read this; it's been a disconcerting couple of days not having a place of my own to crash and start to feel at home.  Sarah, Kenny, and Kat have been great, but nothing can substitute for that 'at home' feeling.

If you are reading this and know me, chances are you care enough about me that I miss you a lot.  I hope you are reading this and that life is good.  For me, if you get a chance today, look around your home and take it in.  Remember a party or a family gathering that took place there, or someone's first steps or a friend's laughter and be thankful that you have a place that you can call your own--even if the bank might still own a piece of it.  I miss you, friends and family, and I love you dearly.

~ Jonathon

The Pre-Grad School Blues...

Well...as this is the first blog entry, I'll leave myself only upwards to go from here.

So far, I've managed to submit my financial aid paperwork correctly and to purchase a plane ticket to Hawaii.  That is, thus far, the extent of my success.  (Well, aside from getting into school in the first place.)  As for the items which still need work...I haven't found a place to live, and campus health services seems to think that I need proof of a second MMR shot despite my luck at having never contracted any of the trio of diseases the shot immunizes.  (That's measles, mumps, and rubella for those of you who are wondering.)  On the upside, I am packed.  Two bags which will cost me $40 to check, thank you very much US Airways, and two boxes that I will have shipped to myself once I actually have an address.  Not to mention my laptop and a carry-on.  Of course, it would be nice if these things (and myself) had a place to go once we got to Honolulu.  I rented a car so maybe I could just sleep there until I find a place.  It's a mid-size SUV to tool around the island my first weekend there.  Probably could sleep at least one person.  Here's hoping for a Motel 6 with the light left on just for me.

That's about it so far.  I'll try to keep this post updated for friends and family to check my progress, laugh at my frustrations, and generally make fun of my mishaps in the great state of Hawaii as a theater grad student.  Tomorrow will be a boring day, although I might find an apartment, which would be sooo wonderful.  If I find something, I'll post pictures and a description.  In any case, I will definitely try to write posts this weekend as I discover the island, and next week as I start my assistantship in the scene shop.

Wish me luck & thanks for reading!

- JT