Spring Approaching... (Updated 2/26)

I'm officially registered for the spring quarter . . . for real finally.

I'm taking scene painting, lighting design, and a costume pattern drafting course from the Theater department, and I just registered today for an ecocritical theory course out of the English department. I'm also sitting in on the third theater history class, which covers the last century until now, but I'll only have to take tests--no papers and I guess no official grade either. The plan is to sign up for a Swahili course not for credit from the language center too. Sounds like a lot, but I'm not really working next quarter, and I'm finding myself with too much time on my hands this quarter. It's a little more expensive to take the language course that way, but it's worth it. I'm hoping to take another language as well before all is said and done. Maybe even brush up on my French and Spanish from undergrad. We'll see how I hold up.

My current set of classes - the CAD class, drawing and rendering, and contemporary tragedy will be done in just two weeks. It's really hard to believe that I'm so close to finishing another term in grad school! Two down, seven to go! And I love it!

Sallying Forth...

These are the plays I've read this quarter:
Mouthful of Birds by Caryl Churchiil
Oedipus Rex
Three Days of Rain by Richard Greenberg
Phaedre by Racine
True Love by Charles Mee
King Lear
Lear by Edward Bond
The Revenger's Tragedy by Tournier (actually, probably by Middleton)
The Unnatural and Accidental Women by Marie Clements
Hedda Gabler by Ibsen
After Darwin by Timberlake Wertenbaker

And coming up are Fences by August Wilson, Soyinka's Death and the King's Horsemen, Sara Ruhl's retelling of Eurydice, The Hungry Woman: A Mexican Medea by Cherrie Moraga, and Vogel's How I Learned to Drive. The last three are plays that the grad students in the class are teaching. I chose to use Vogel's play because I know it pretty well and because of all the plays I'm familiar with, it deals most clearly with tragic structure and mechanisms. As the class's focus is contemporary tragedy and whether or not such a form still exists, it seemed a good choice.

That class has been a wonderful journey. I've been pretty quiet during discussions, but I've learned so much about the progression of the structure of tragedy and what it means for a play to be "tragic". The latest question posed by Wertenbaker's play is whether or not tragedy exists in a post-Darwinian world. Does Darwin preclude the concept of tragedy? If there is no faith to be lost - no great binding force in society - and we are all, indeed, individuals striving to be the fittest, soundest organism in order to survive, and we are all doing what we reason to be the best way to survive... I'm not sure even where to take that thought quite yet, but Darwin throws a wrench into the works. Hegel suggests that we are all doing what we reason to be right, and that the closest thing we might come to tragedy is when two lines of reason - two great arguments (faith and evolution, for instance) - collide, one will overtake and subsume the other. This is through no real fault of the subsumed line of reason, other than it lost the battle. Unfortunately, this is all so new in my head that I'm not making any sense of things. Read After Darwin . . . you'll get it.

My other truly challenging class is painting and rendering. I was really frightened of watercolor - talk about irrational fears, right? I've just never had much luck with it. Turns out, I'm not terrible. I need a lot of practice, and the Louvre will not come knocking on my door, but I'm really getting there. I'm comfortable enough to actually think I can do renderings successfully as a designer, which is important - haha. As my advisor says, you need to be able to sketch quickly so that you don't have to say, oh, sure, let me model that up for you - give me a couple days. Anyway, it's going much more smoothly, and, if nothing else, I'm a bit more confident about what I can do.

Although I'm pretty distant from production in general, our next show, As You Like It, goes up in a couple of weeks, and my fellow MFA scene designer is having to put in a lot of extra hours so I've offered to help him in any way I can. Mostly, that means painting and texturing scenery at this point. I think the set will look really nice when we're finished, but there's still a long row to hoe.

And - I almost forgot - I'm designing a show that goes up in April! It's a grad student-directed show based on a Twilight Zone episode called "The Howling Man." (If you can't remember which one that is, someone posted it on YouTube. It's also on another video site with a name that I can't remember right now . . .) Anyway, I'm really excited, and I've already started doing some research. It'll be pretty small, but I think it will be fun too.

I guess that's about it for now. Next quarter is probably going to be a lighting design class, scene painting, and a costume pattern drafting class. I'm also going to audit a theater history class and a Swahili language class. I still need to put up those driving posts . . . someday I guess. Hopefully before I make the trip again!

The U of O

I just finished week three of my first quarter at the U of O! I can't believe how the time has flown. Things here are pretty good, but I'm still pretty poor and looking for work. I have a few leads in that department, but so far nothing has actually panned out. Classes are great. The drawing and painting class I'm taking is extremely challenging. Drawing is easier than I thought in some respects, but very much harder in others. My previous art training was not so in-depth and there wasn't much of it, so I'm really having to stretch myself in this class, but I've surprised myself a few times so far, and I hope to keep doing well. The coursework itself if pretty contained within the structure of the class, but this weekend we had a pretty significant homework assignment that I'm struggling with, but these are the challenges I wanted. I'm also taking a contemporary tragedy class, which is mostly reading and analysis. It's a big weekend for that class too, but I enjoy the reading and I really like the contemporary plays we've dealt with so far. The first was Mouthful of Birds by Caryl Churchill. I won't attempt to summarize or explain that one here. The second play was Three Days of Rain by Richard Greenburg and I loved it. The story was complex and moving, and really well put together. Of course, it's hard for me to read the plays and not design them as I go, but I try to at least get one reading in which I'm not trying to figure out what sort of space they're in. It's nice to be reminded that there are other reasons to read plays than to prep for a show.

This blog has been asleep for too long. I wish I were better at keeping up with it. Hopefully, I'll post some of my driving days on here. I'll probably pre-date them to line up with the dates of the days I drove, so they'll go up as if they were posted before this entry. I'll try to be a better blogger...

Another Big Move...

Well, it's December 27, and I'm packing to drive to Oregon. This is definitely not what I thought I'd be doing at this point, but I think it's the right move for me. My only regret so far is that the program at Hawaii wasn't what I needed it to be. The island and even the people I met there were amazing. I hope I'll get to go back to Oahu and see some of the sights I missed the first time around. But, for now, I'm trying to focus on getting myself to Eugene, OR. It's a six day drive--actually five and a half and it could be shorter--but six days gives me enough daylight on that last day to unpack and find some furniture in the daytime. I wish I'd found someone to drive there with me, partially because I could get more of my stuff there that way, but it would also give me someone to make the long trip with (besides my cats). There are a ton of people I haven't been able to see. Lesley, if you happen to read this, I hope we get to see each other again some day. To my former students at the Barter, I hope I'll see you tomorrow, but it's not looking like it so far. Rebecca, it just wasn't Christmas without decorating our tree with our ornaments and decorations. I miss you so much!

To my family, many of whom I got to see or talk to this holiday for the first time in many many years, I love you and I am so happy I got to see and talk to all of you so much this past week. You mean the world to me. I hope we can see each other again this summer, and I can spend a lot more time with you.

I suppose all of this is outside the stated purpose of this blog, but who cares. Lines get blurred, right?

Anyway, for those of you who don't know--and my last entry doesn't exactly confirm anything--I left the program in Hawaii and I've been accepted into the MFA design program at the University of Oregon in Eugene. I hope to take a drawing and rendering class--basically an (I hope) advanced art class for theater designers--and a computer drafting class my first quarter. I've done a lot of computer drafting, and I hope this will help me polish off my skills in that area. Other than that, I'm not sure what I'll be doing. I'm excited to take some language classes. I'm hoping to pick up a Swahili class, and it would be nice to take a PE class. I'm mostly interested in enjoying not working in the shop for a while, and focusing on being a student for a bit. I'm sure I'll have to get a job--if there's one to be found--but the plan is to work as little as possible, and to be a student as much as possible.

I'll try to update as I can throughout my trip. Wish me luck...I leave early Monday morning.

Overdue...

It's been a long time since I've written anything on here. Time has gotten away from me a bit as the semester picked up speed and projects and productions began to whiz along. I am still dealing with being an outsider here. I still feel uncomfortable at times, but I think that's because I'm still getting used to being here away from just about everything I've ever known.

I'm also coming to terms with what the program here is offering me, and I've decided to leave it. I met with my advisor last Thursday, and, though I agreed to make a list of the things that I would need in order to stay, I've realized that no matter what changes here, I will not change the way I need to change in order to be happy in this place. I'm going home to Tennessee December 15, and I'm not sure what I'll be doing next semester. I'm still holding out some hope that I will be able to really connect with some folks at Humboldt State in Northern California, but it's been difficult getting people to talk to me, which might be a sign. I feel as though I'm questioning a lot of things, not the least of which is my self-worth. I'm just really upset about this, and I'm having trouble justifying my feelings. I am angry and disappointed and stressed out that I'm not going to be able to find a school that will accept me next semester. I guess I'm mad at the program and my advisor, but I'm also mad at myself. How could I have just made this huge change without doing enough research to see what this program was? I guess I'm just appalled at my own ignorance of this place. I'm mad that education and educators aren't honest about what they can provide and to whom they are able and willing to provide it. I have a simple goal: teach theater. I don't care to be famous or known. I just want to be a better teacher and a better designer. I want to inspire others as others have inspired me.

So, I guess that's cheesy and weird. It's certainly cheesy and weird to re-read it and know that those are my words, and that might be how I feel. But I guess that's what these things are for? To air out thoughts? To ramble and explore? Maybe that's just what I'll use it for at this moment.

Anyway, friends and loved ones, please avoid calling me and asking me if I'm okay after reading this. I'm depressed and stressed out, and I'm dealing with a lot of stuff, but this place will be a memory soon. Some of it was really good and fun, and I've made some friends and seen some things that I would never have been able to make and see if I hadn't come here. And this will lead me somewhere else. It's only a step on the path, and if you know me well enough, you know that I take things as they are dealt to me. If I don't get back on here before Thanksgiving, I hope everyone reading this has a great holiday. I miss you.

If anyone's in the big Johnson City mid-December to the first of January, give me a call. I'll need diversion!

Searching for the Avant-Garde?

We just had a discussion in my research methods class that was both provocative and problematic. The presentation and framework for the discussion was wonderful. A trio of students presented an article dealing with the question of a problematic emphasis on the avant-garde of academic theater research. One of the questions that I really wanted to deal with, but didn't seem to have the words to broach, was the idea that the avant-garde becomes popular and the popular avant-garde. We talked about the idea that we can only understand the avant-garde through the lens of popular theater--at least according to the author of the essay, who argued that the avant-garde can only be understood in relationship to/as a reaction to current popular theater of the era. While we discussed the concept that the avant-garde, with come consistency, becomes the popular and vice-versa, we didn't really talk at all about the point of avant-garde-ism. We failed to discuss--and I failed to raise--the question of labels and their affect on theatrical production. Anyone who has seen someone's failed attempt to "go Brechtian" on a particular production can understand that often particular modes of presentation and certain texts or stories simply do not mesh--or, that same someone could at least allow that a director or design team's interpretation of particular modes of presentation does not mesh with certain texts and stories. Our responsibility as artists is to express, or more specifically, to allow expression, to provide the context in which an idea or concept or emotion or point of view can be explored through action, movement, dialogue, and/or imagery. When we set out to "be" avant-garde, or to express something through the techniques of our interpretation of Brecht, we tread on dangerous ground. These production concepts, if left so broad, can destroy our ability to create any sort of realm of expression. I'm not really sure if this all makes sense to me, but it's something I'm trying to sort out right now.

The class also seemed to skirt the issue--and, I would argue, problem--of sociological studies and generalizations made of past audiences of shows. The statement was made something to the effect that we know who goes to see a certain kind of play because those plays, shown in churches across Europe in the centuries preceding the Renaissance, had audiences composed entirely of church-goers. Indeed? For those of us who've been "to church", we know that someone's attendance does not equal an understanding of their personality, religious beliefs, nor, in fact, their affiliation with the particular group with which they are in attendance. Vast generalizations were made and, for an as yet unknown reason, I was fairly silent. I think shock must have set in without my knowing it. Once a production happens, we've missed it. Theater is happenings. Once we miss a happening, we've missed it. We can study it and the society in which it was performed and we can glean much from such study, but we can never truly understand the piece without seeing it as it was presented. At least, I think that's true. No matter how well-recorded and how well-preserved that original text with all its stage directions is, we cannot recreate the production. We cannot re-experience it. It isn't happening anymore.

I guess I left the class with an understanding that the discussions we will have will be generic unless forced to be specific, which is sad. I feel as though my classmates are intelligent and interesting. I guess we all--including me--need to speak louder. In our defense, if the remainder of the presentations are as creative and provocative as the Breakfast Club-inspired presenters of today, I will have new faith that our contributions to theater and the world will be felt. Plus, we'll all have a great time.

Week 3

Things are moving right along. It's still strange living in the city. My apartment is just off the corner of two of the busiest streets in Honolulu. Four years ago, the population was at around 900,000. Now, most estimates put it close to 1 million. That's a lot of people for a small island. The population is pretty interesting. One of the things I learned before leaving was that the island was made up of about 20% white/caucasian. The other 80% are either local indigenous people or (mostly) from Asia--China, the Philippines, other Pacific islands, and, largely, Japan. It's a strange mix.

There are white people who are from Hawai'i; their family has lived here for several generations, and they are considered kama 'aina, which means "of the island". I am considered a haole, pronounced "HOW-lee". This is a generic term that usually refers to a white person who isn't from the islands or who doesn't live on the island. Since I live here now, and especially since I have my UH student ID, I can get kama 'aina rates at most local businesses. These are the equivalent of student rates or non-tourist rates. Basically, I get to pay the price that locals pay.

That's about as close to becoming kama 'aina that I can get, which is really okay with me. There's a strange sort of attitude that comes with living on an island. There's a sense that you're trapped. Maybe it's the same on the mainland, but at least there's the illusion that you can move up or out or away from something. Here, you can't. If you go in any direction, all you find is the Pacific Ocean. (Which is beautiful, by the way.)

People generally keep to themselves here. There's not much nodding as you pass on the street. I'm used to being able to at least make eye contact and smile or nod as I pass someone--and that happens occasionally--but for the most part, people are tuned into their iPods or cell phones, or are just too interested in where they're going to pay attention to other people on the street. People are friendly...don't get me wrong, but it's a different kind of friendliness. I guess, shocked as I am to admit it, I miss not living in the city. Things are convenient here. I can walk to Wal-Mart, the mall, school, grocery stores, and the beach, but I'm surrounded by people all the time. I certainly don't hate it here, but if I had the choice, I think I'd live somewhere else. Somewhere quieter, maybe, but close enough to a city that I could be there in a flash to hang out or get supplies. I've thought about moving up into the mountains here or out on the North Shore. It's much quieter there and less populated. I'd have lizards everywhere, but I'd also have some more space. So...I guess right now, I'm weighing geckos against people. Which population is more annoying?

That's a way more difficult question than it should be.

I think of family and friends constantly. I miss you guys and I can't wait to see you at Christmas.